Massively^™

Our characters spring forth, fully-formed, after just a few clicks, a few deft keystrokes (we're not doing anything so archaic as rolling dice anymore, are we?). They stride into their world built to face down epic challenges, confront any adversary, and never, ever break a sweat. They are engines of pure utility, supremely crafted to take on whatever they encounter and emerge victorious.

Min-Maxing (Min-Max or Min/Max) is the road of ultimate optimization. Allocating every available resource, from racial traits and alignment to equipment selection, to the pursuit of fitness to a specific purpose. This sort of focus and dedication serves our digital minions well, and by extension makes our play more fruitful.

There are plenty of folks on both sides of the argument as to whether Min/Max is a good thing. That's a conversation for another time in this space, though. No, today we're taking a step outside of the myriad virtual spaces where we spend time smiting our foes, fragging our friends, and considering what this would be like out here in the messy organic world.

Would you ever want to meet these characters? They'd be insufferable. Look at this guy -- can you imagine what life would be like for his tailor?

Let's take a few minutes to speak with a Max Mynn and his wife Mindy, to see what it's like for them.So, in the person of Max Mynn and his wife Mindy, we'll take a glimpse into the life of the Min-Maxer. Come on out and introduce yourselves.

Max: Hey.

Mindy: Honey, don't just grunt at the nice people. I'm sorry, he's still thinking that he could have parked the car better if he'd thrown it. With the wind-shear from the parking garage and all, it was probably best to do it the regular way.

TGI: I see. Max, let's start with you. Have you always been this way?

Max: What way? Strong?

TGI: Not just strong, but strong to the exclusion of everything else?

Max: Well, I'm pretty fast, too.

Mindy: I'll say.

TGI: Pardon? You had something to add to that?

Mindy: He's, uh, taking a pharmaceutical regimen to not be quite so fast all the time, if you take my meaning.

TGI: Ahem. Right. When you were younger, Max, you started training with an eye on competition in strong-man events before you were enlisted to fight invading hordes of alien undead.

Max: Yeah.

TGI: Did you find you had an innate natural affinity for it, or did it take some fundamental adjustments?

Max: ...?

Mindy: He means, "Was it easy for you?"

Max: Oh. It was always kind of easy, but I did some stuff and it got easier. Practiced. Spent a lot of time in the gym. Met Mindy there, too.

TGI: Really? I'm surprised. You don't come really across as the weightlifting type, if you don't mind my saying so.

Mindy: Oh, no, I'm not. I was having a hard time moving the monitor on my desk. I was the nutritionist and scheduler and kept the first aid stations stocked. I'm good with numbers, and wanting to help people stay healthy just comes naturally to me. Max was so nice; he moved my computer, my desk and both filing cabinets, and it was so cute the way he held my chair up out of the way with me in it the whole time. He made me feel like Fae Wray.

TGI: That's oddly touching. You both seem to have found a professional niche in the military. Is it a good fit?

Max: It's nice to be needed and appreciated, yeah. I used to have a summer job working in construction, and could probably go back to something like that. My boss liked not having to shell out for a forklift.

Mindy: Medical care and logistics are a much bigger part of what goes on than what people see back home. I feel like I'm helping make a difference, even if some days it feels like there are an infinite number of extraterrestrial zombies.

TGI: What do you do when you're not on the front lines, then?

Max: Sleep a little. Eat better. Military food sucks. Everybody cooks as bad as I do.

Mindy: I'm working on my second thesis, and translating Shakespeare into the invaders' language to see if cross-cultural sharing will help bring an end to hostilities.

TGI: To bring this back around and wrap up, have either of you ever thought what life would be like with a more normal stat distribution for you?

Max: Introspection and empathy ain't exactly my strong suits.

Mindy: Sometimes, but then I think about how blessed we each are, in our own way. Sure, there are times when I wish he'd be a little less focused on his working out and obsessing over every battle, and I'd like to be more self-sufficient around the house. I get winded doing the dishes, and need help carrying the laundry.

TGI: Thank you both. Max, would you mind putting my desk down now? The ceiling fan is going to catch me upside the head sooner or later.

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Rafe Brox spends an inordinate amount of time annoying people who think they know more than he does. When not causing friends and enemies alike to /facepalm electronically, he can be found extolling the virtues of the weird peripherals in his life, from kettlebells to the Trackman Marble. If you, too, would like to tell Rafe exactly how wrong he is doing it, the target coordinates are rafe.brox AT weblogsinc DOT com.