MMO Family: Log in to your kids' gaming interests
by Lisa Poisso 
Oct 2nd 2009 at 11:00AM
Filed under: Tips and tricks, Kids, MMO Family
Are you leveling a pack of MMO gamers? Welcome to MMO Family, where we look at tips for families who love MMOs. Should you be keeping an eye on your kids while they game? (Yes!) How can you do that without seeming heavy-handed? (Stay tuned.) Are MMOs appropriate for young kids? (Sure!) Which ones? (Coming soon ...) What MMOs might your family enjoy playing all together? Should you be using parental control devices and tools? What are the best ways to quickly gauge the age-appropriateness of a game? There's a lot to cover when it comes to leveling a family of gamers, so let's breeze through the tutorial and tap our first topic.
As the parent of a young MMO player, your main strategy is to remain figuratively logged in to whatever they're doing. There's no AFKing when it comes to parenting. Every parent knows they need to get involved in their children's extracurricular hobbies. We want to know what they're doing, who they're with, whether they're safe, whether they're enjoying themselves, if what they're doing is a productive source of life lessons as well a good, old-fashioned fun ... What you might not have considered is that kids' gaming deserves the same level of scrutiny and support as, say, their karate classes or violin lessons. Whatever captivates your child's imagination should also attract your parental periscope.
We're not suggesting you plop down and dutifully watch every move as your child logs in to kill 10 rats (or pick 20 flowers or befriend 30 fairies or frag 50 enemies ...). Frankly, no gamer wants or needs a hall monitor. But young gamers do need your boundaries, your guidance, your feedback, your enthusiasm, your support – all the same things you'd bring to their piano recitals or baseball games.
Set the rules up front. Don't be the dodgy group leader who waits until time for the boss who drops the Vorpal Blade of Gaming Leetness before you start demanding that the trash go out now and laying down onerous homework rules. Set kids' time limits, gaming hours and other rules right from the start, including hard-and-fast consequences if the rules are broken. Setting clear expectations and taking care of the business before log-in keeps gaming something fun to talk about instead of a minefield of accusations and negotiations.
Give kids the strats for online safety. If kids aren't old enough to understand how to handle cyberbullying, abusive language or harassment online, they shouldn't be playing an MMO that exposes them to it. You shouldn't have to worry about your kids' safety while they're logged in - and neither should they. Choose games carefully, offer age-appropriate guidelines and then follow up to make sure they're being followed. Have you covered all these bases? If you haven't, we'll help - stay tuned to future MMO Family columns.
Be the GM who monitors a sampling of encounters. As the GM of your family, it's your job to know what's going on in their game worlds. Spend 15 minutes sitting with your kids (not hovering over their shoulder or hopping from one foot to another in the doorway) to watch the action. This isn't the time for chit-chat; save the questions for later. You don't have to position yourself as the evil traffic cop. Keep your interest personal and engaging. Once you're curled up on the couch together later or enjoying a snack in the kitchen, ask how they figured out how to beat that last boss or how they plan to tackle the quest line they're stuck on. They may not want to throw a virtual open house for you, but they'll recognize and appreciate your interest.
Help your kids analyze their strats, both literally and figuratively. Parents don't think twice about the value of attending school events or sports practices, then talking with kids afterwards about how things are going. Guess what? The same principles apply to gaming. Here's another great reason to stop and really watch what's going on in your child's game.
Your child can't focus on what you're saying while he's trying to complete a boss encounter in game. Once she's logged out, though, you'll have a chance to casually remark on the rough language you saw scroll past in chat or ask how her guild's morale is holding up after a nasty series of wipes. This is your chance to inject perspective into her experience ... Use it wisely!
Help kids set gaming goals. That's right - MMOs can be a learning and growing experience for young people. Think about all the theorycrafting, all the achievements, all the strategy that's gone into your own gaming sessions. It's fertile ground for young minds. If you've spent time watching your kids play and talking about what they're doing, you'll be able to encourage their in-game accomplishments, plans and goals.
Make gaming a family-centered activity. One way to make sure gaming is seen as a valued family hobby is to play in a common family area. Don't let kids sequester themselves and their computers in a bedroom. Keep everything in a shared area: desktop computers, laptops and TV-based console games. (In fact, while they're not MMO-specific, you may want to consider handheld units "family property" and keep them all together in the family area, too. It's an easy way to cut down on struggles over sneaking handhelds into school or social activities.)Another benefit of keeping gaming out in the open: you'll always be nearby to monitor the action. This is no different than keeping an eye on what kids are seeing on the internet or TV. You don't have to hover - but it's a good idea to make a periodic fly-by.
Accept that group invite. There are so many types of MMOs today that it's pretty easy to find something you'll enjoy playing, too. That's right: we're advising you to play the MMOs your kids are interested in. You may be more inclined to bring them into your own MMO of choice at some level - and that can be a good thing, too - but there's really nothing like bonding over something they're already enthusiastic about on their own.
Besides, playing in their game world of choice helps you connect with what they think is cool. You'll get a first-hand taste of the content they're doing and seeing. You don't have to trespass into the relationships they share with their friends. Create your own dynamic duo (or heck, a family guild!) to play once or twice a week. It's the in-game equivalent of all those picture books you read out loud when they were younger ... And it's an effective virtual method of carrying your parental relationship from pickup group member to trusted guildmate status.
We'll be covering many more specific strategies for leveling enthusiastic, well adjusted gamers in future editions of MMO Family. Drop me a line at lisa (at) massively (dot) com with your questions about your MMO-playing kids and family.
Hey, fellow gaming parent! I'm the mom in an all-gamer family that's literally grown up on MMOs. You may have seen me at Massively's sister publication WoW.com, where I write everything from crunchy bits for newbies to player interviews to an advice column on handling the drama of WoW life. I've contributed articles for parents at AOL's PlaySavvy.com, and gaming's among my favorite topics for parenting magazines all over the globe. Connect with me on Twitter (I'm @emused), or drop me a line with your questions and thoughts about gaming and parenting at lisa (at) massively (dot) com.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Mewmew said on 11:29AM 10-02-2009
I never was monitored online and I've been playing online games since I was 9 years old. Unfortunately, being a real girl and very shy and at the time easy to push around, I got in a lot of situations that I shouldn't have and that made my life online not so fun. I also gave people who asked my phone number, I was very young at the time and didn't see the harm in it (I was so naive...). There were many bad things that happened because of it, and most of it I hid from my Parents out of fear I'd be blamed and I'd lose my net access (which probably would have happened too). I was forced to take a break after a real life stalker came to my house tho (and yes it's a true story) and I couldn't hide that one from them. The same thing started to happen to my cousin, and her Parents made her play all male characters online (seriously heh). If I had it to do all over again I'd do things so much differently, but such is life.
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MeowCat said on 12:23PM 10-02-2009
This is an important segment and series. Sure, it was well written and provided information, but it may be more important in terms of re-framing how we think about games. The message that we should be involved with all parts of our children lives is critical. Whether it is sports, music, the mathaletes, or MMOs parents should take a vested interest. Too many parents see games as a distraction and even abnormal or unhealthy. Yes, it is deleterious, like anything else, when unsupervised. Mewmew's very candid and brave post highlights the importance of this.
It always comes back to the parents: involvement, involvement, and appropriate involvement.
Keep this one going, guys! Excellent new feature.
CindyL said on 11:30AM 10-02-2009
What a great segment!
Looking forwards to more tips from you, heck this should be required reading for anyone with gaming kids online, especially if the parents don't game themselves, they assume a lot I find. :S
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CindyL said on 12:49PM 10-02-2009
I reply to myself because I want to go further into my experiences with non gaming parents.
I worked at a computer and software store for a few months, and it became obvious my specialty was video games. ^.^ So I ended up selling a lot, but you may or may not be surprised how many parents came in with their 9 to 12 year old children wanting to buy them World of Warcraft.. When they asked I always asked if the parents played already and often they'd say no, so I'd ask where the child heard about the game and 90% of the time they heard from a friend at school who plays either by themselves are on their parent's account.
So then I'd ask the parents is they were aware that this is an online game and that anyone at all can interact with their child and, often this was enough to enlighten some but other times I really had to drive the point home like saying it's in your best interest to sit beside your child as they play and to set parental controls to make sure your child does suffer any kind of abuse. Now THAT usually does the trick, the only parents willing to go through those lengths are MMO gamers themselves. ;)
Dlangar said on 11:33AM 10-02-2009
As a dad who's maintained 4 city of heroes accounts for years so that everyone in his family could play together, I can't say how much I am glad to see a column like this. Here's some additional information for gaming parents and parents of gamers. Most houses have exactly one console of any one type. But many many households have multiple PC's. MMO's are the perfect cooperative family game, and these days there are more choices than ever for games that can be casually played and enjoyed by both kids and adults.
Nicely done Massively & Lisa for recognizing and paying attention to this growing and important demographic.
Dusty, aka Dlangar
http://ofcourseillplayit.com
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Ben said on 1:15PM 10-02-2009
This is a fantastic new idea. I will look forward to reading more.
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Lisa Poisso said on 11:44AM 10-02-2009
Thanks CindyL and Dlangar. Since Massively readers are already gamers, we hope we can delve into things at a *little* deeper angle -- but I also anticipate lots of linkables to send to your friends who are non-gaming parents as well. Please, if you have any particular questions or issues, send them to me at lisa (at) massively (dot) com. Reader (read: relevant) questions are tops!
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Tom said on 11:40AM 10-02-2009
As a gaming parent of gaming kids, I really appreciated this article.
The "safety issue" is paramount with me. One of my biggest concerns as a parent of kids playing MMOs (WoW, mainly, but also CoX and LotRO) is that, while 99% of other MMO players are just fine, one does encounter the occasional obnoxious creep or jerk.
So, our standing rule is that general and/or OOC chat gets turned off, and I don't allow my younger kids to group up with other players.
One workaround for this issue is to find MMOs in which 1 to 3 players can accomplish all or most of the content so that we can, as it were, keep the group content "in the family." Guild Wars was absolutely perfect for this.
I have often wished that games such as LotRO and WoW would offer smaller-group (or even solo) alternatives to some of their instanced content -- say, dungeons scaled to party size. Unfortunately, there seems to be some unwritten rule in MMO-dom that "group" content MUST have parties of at least 5 (WoW) or 6 (LotRO) players.
That said, most MMOs still offer a ton of solo and small-group content (other than the instances, of course). My hope is that GW2, STO, and SWTOR will be more "solo, duo, and trio friendly" than the current crop of MMOs.
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Wisdomandlore said on 12:00PM 10-02-2009
LOTRO has a number of 3-man instances, and Turbine is even going back and turning some of the older instances (like Great Barrows and Garth Agarwen) into 3-man s. Also the new Skirmish system coming in Siege of Mirkwood scales to different party sizes.
Kuroyume said on 12:22PM 10-02-2009
You may want to try DDO... most instances have a "solo" setting, and both Normal and Hard difficulties scale with party size.
The community is also pretty decent, and certainly a lot better than WoW
Tom said on 2:23PM 10-02-2009
The three-man instances in LotRO currently do not show up until around the Moria level and beyond, and my kids haven't gotten nearly that far -- since they do not play MMOs full time. ;)
I was not aware that some of the earlier instances were being reworked as 3-mans, though. That is good news indeed.
Thanks, Wisdom.
Blaez said on 12:07PM 10-02-2009
As a teacher and hopefully future parent, I thought this was a fantastic article. I'll be sharing this with my guild. There's a lot to be learned from the subtle influences we have on our children and the teaching points we can make in their interests, regardless of what they might be.
Thanks for the thoughtful read!
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Smeltn said on 12:32PM 10-02-2009
GREAT article. I can't wait to read more. As a life long gamer and now proud parent of 2 minifigs who love to game, this is great for any parent to read. Gaming is here to stay and we need to understand it and accept it, instead of blocking it.
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Sonoran said on 12:45PM 10-02-2009
This is a great article and a wonderful idea for an ongoing column. I find that sharing the MMO experience (Lotro) with my daughter has been a lot of fun. We haven't been able to be on at the same time yet, but she's already talking about how cool it will be when we can group.
There's a lot to be said for being involved and protective in games, but there's also a lot to be said about the potential for being in an environment where a child and parent have fun solving problems and supporting each other through an imaginary quest.
It's an environment that has as much or more positive potential to deliver to your relationship with your child as it is something to protect them from.
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Scopique said on 1:16PM 10-02-2009
I'm excited to see Massively taking on this subject! You are now officially the most mature network MMO blog on the Internet.
As a long time MMOer, I've tried introducing my 8 year old daughter to the genre through Free Realms, Club Penguin and the like. I've let her create characters in CoH and CO, and she's watched me play other titles like WoW and LotRO.
One thing that I like to do when she plays is to encourage her to tell me stories about what she is getting out of her gaming session. A lot of times she'll be excited to show me what she's doing, which I think allows me to keep an eye on her without her eventually feeling like she's being monitored.
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Sean said on 11:35PM 10-02-2009
Great column and thank you to Massively for sponsoring it.
My parents were fairly restrictive when it came to computer access as I was growing, especially by the standards of the mid-nineties. One of the techniques they used, and that you note, was to locate the computer in a common space - the kitchen. I think this is crucial, especially for younger children, as it both allows for more natural supervision while also engendering the expectation that what one does on the computer is the sort of thing one would be fine with one's parents seeing. I only started exploring the seedier and deviant sides of the internet, sometimes facilitated by online games, when I had access to a computer in my own room. Even if a child isn't looking for trouble in online games, the accessibility of a computer in one's room might breed carelessness that the aura of supervision would militate against.
Looking forward to future pieces. Perhaps you could interview John Davison at whattheyplay.com.
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Shaz said on 10:33AM 10-03-2009
I'm female, 36 years old, and not a mother. Neither my husband nor I have ever been interested in having children. But I will enjoy reading this series, because gaming has been a big part of my life since I discovered it, and I wish I'd had the things available today for me when I was young. So I suppose it's a vicarious pleasure, in a backwards fashion.
I'm mostly responding here to mention: There's a post on the City of Heroes General Discussion forum that has been ongoing for well over a year now, "What my six year old has learned from CoX". A man writing about his daughter (who began playing CoX at 4 years old) and what's come of it over the years. Fantastic post, and a pleasure to read. At age 8, she decided to create a story arc via CoX's Mission Architect, and he helped her create it, and it's a very popular arc. It may be interesting to those following this, so I just wanted to pass it on.
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Lisa Poisso said on 2:28PM 10-03-2009
I certainly will look for that thread. Thanks for pointing it out!
Evi said on 10:35AM 10-03-2009
Great column! I don't have children, but I still enjoyed reading it. Someday I might have a little gamer of my own. ;)
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