Massively^™

We write about Chaos Chosen freaks wreaking havoc on the RvR battlefield. We've been known to write about interstellar mercenaries and anarchists publicly executing enemies of freedom. Things like these make the job fun.

But this... is seriously over the top. Three videos, all lined up below the cut. You may be able to handle one. Some of you may be able to take two. But three -- we don't think you can do it. In fact we know you can't. These clips are NSFW. Be advised.

Pancakes, just about everyone loves 'em. They're deliciously light and fluffy and can be sweetened with everything from blueberries to chocolate chips. Just like their flat 'n tasty counterparts, Pancake MMOs are light, fluffy and sweet all over. Hello Kitty Online, Go Pets, Neopets, Free Realms, Club Penguin and the near bouquet-size of franchise-based MMOs coming from Disney seem to be piling up on our proverbial plates. These MMOs can taste great and do tend to venture into fun, experimental game design territory. However, are they also like actual pancakes in that too many will cause everyone to grasp their collective stomachs and painfully moan, "Too many pancakes!" or can we stomach endless amounts of soft, tasty sweetness?

There's a certain temptation to believe that so-called casual games are inherently less complex than their more hardcore cousins. Whether it's born of experience, arrogance, or just plain ignorance, most people probably assume that a game like Hello Kitty Online is going to leave them wanting for features. Having just read an interview with Ali Aslanbaigi, Game Master Manager for HKO, this blogger can say that this certainly doesn't seem like the case.

Aslanbaigi explains how they plan to integrate email, blogging, and user video from the Sanriotown portal into the game experience itself, making Hello Kitty Online a social media hub as much as it is casual MMO. Say what you will about the relative complexity of an Age of Conan -- Hello Kitty Online isn't just trying to compete with the big MMOs on the block, it's looking to take its place alongside Facebook, MySpace, and other social media giants. It's ambitious, to say the least.

Welcome to a new column here at Massively, where I'll take two massively multiplayer online games and chop them up into little pieces, so I can put them back together with electrical tape and staples. This is the MMO Mashup, where you can expect to see everything from the startlingly strange to the ubiquitously unusual.

Lets get straight into it then, with the pink-yet-dark world of Age of Hello Kitty.

In the dangerous and dark Kingdom of Floweria, your wits are your best weapon. Though pastel-colored blade and lovely embroidered shield may help fend off the slavering demon-kittens, they are only as powerful as the warrior wielding them.

Thy doom draws nearer, O Learned Readers, for with each passing day, Hello Kitty Online becomes more and more a reality! The latest information is that those of you fortunate enough to have gotten access to the closed beta will finally find out what it will be like to inhabit the world of Sanrio. The test runs from the 23rd of April to the 7th of May, and interestingly enough, testers will have a DVD of content sent to them, which will include at least a folder of video tutorials, though nothing else has been confirmed at this time.

This MMO has excited a ton of interest in age ranges well beyond the pre-pubescent that one might expect -- expect a First Impressions before too long!

I have to apologize in advance to any stalwart fans of the Hello Kitty franchise who are anxiously anticipating Hello Kitty Online with baited breath. Perhaps it is a sad commentary on the inherent cynicism and snarkiness of your modern blogger, but I have serious doubts about whether or not you will ever see a post about HKO here on Massively without some at least a touch of sarcasm or irony. Fault us for our taste if you will, but never doubt or honesty!

Having said that, this official trailer for Hello Kitty Online demonstrates such innovative new features as character creation, personalized avatars (which is different than character creation, in some way that eludes me), virtual community, farms, in-game items, houses, and mini-games including fan favorites like Rock-Paper-Scissor! In this respect, the game appears less interested in re-inventing the wheel, than in ensuring it is super cute and perhaps slightly creepy. As the game moves into beta in the near future, look for more impressions and news to surface.

[Via ZergWatch]

Some of you have anticipated it. Some of you have dreaded it. Some of us have been threatened with it, when we've been naughty bloggers ('Follow the style guidelines or we'll make you play it!'). Whatever your reaction to the news, it's finally happening: Hello Kitty Online is currently in closed beta, and will launch sometime in the latter half of 2008.

So, what can we expect from HKO? Appearances from other Sanrio characters: check. Cute explorable zones like the Flower Kingdom: check. Combat system: che -- wait, what? Combat system, guilds, extensive crafting system ... this is an actual MMORPG, not just another cutesy virtual world like Club Penguin or Webkinz!

Color me curious; I've already signed up for the beta. More news as it comes. Keep an eye on Massively for all your superdeformed, facial orifice-less, kawaii character needs.

[Updated: Closed beta actually begins on April 23rd.]